Ouch, That Hurt!

To forgive or not to forgive, that is the question!  “I will never be able to forgive him for what he did to me. ”  “She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness!”  “I don’t feel like forgiving him, what he did just hurt me to bad.”  Have you ever said these things to yourself as it relates to someone who has hurt you?  Have you heard someone else say these or similar things as it relates to their hurt?  I, myself have been guilty of saying these very things, and if not saying them, I have certainly thought them.  These statements and others that are similar to them give proof to fact that the true meaning of forgiveness is often befuddling.

To better understand forgiveness, I think that it is important to understand what un-forgiveness looks like and how it affects our lives.  You most likely have un-forgiveness operating in your life if there are people who you try to avoid, people whom you have a desire to get even with, or people for whom you can’t wait to give that speech that you have been rehearsing in your mind for days, or maybe even years.

Recently, while listening to the radio, I heard the story of a teacher who wanted her students to truly understand how unforgiveness and its’ associated bitterness would affect their lives if they made the choice to hold onto it.  In order to illustrate this concept the teacher had her students fill back packs with potatoes.  Each student was to place one potato in his back pack for each person toward whom he was holding anger, bitterness, and or unforgiveness. The students were then to carry the filled backpacks with them for a week.  With time, the weight of the backpacks became cumbersome and produced back aches and discomfort.  The teacher was then able to have the students more fully understand that the weight of unforgiveness may not be recognizable at first, but over time causes pain and discomfort.  The longer the un-forgiveness is carried around, the more problems it produces.

Scripture makes it clear, we are without choice. We must forgive others if we are to experience God’s forgiveness towards us.  However, what does Godly forgiveness look like?  In Matthew 6:14-15 we read: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”   We all desire to have the mercies of God extended to us, but the real question is will we allow the mercies of God to flow through us?

Why is it important to allow mercy and grace to flow through us?  Because God does not want us to become overcome with evil, but rather he wants us to overcome evil with good.  Romans 12:20 says “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  For years, I loved this scripture!  With this being said though, I loved it for all of the wrong reasons. Little did I know that my understanding of this scripture could not be farther from the truth.

In their teachings through Elijah House Ministries, John and Paula Sanford gave me the true meaning of this scripture which transformed my understanding of God’s word as it relates to overcoming evil with good. John and Paula Sanford wrote:    “When Paul quoted this in his letter to the Romans, homes had no gas or electric ranges or even wood stoves for that matter.  The cooking was done on small fires set between two bricks about six inches apart on the floor, or in an alcove.  The only fuel likely to be available would have been a few sticks and dry leaves-and cow chips.  Starting those fires was difficult.  Few people had the necessary tinder or the time, so a village fire tender was appointed.  All night he would keep a small fire going.  Toward morning, he would build it up and then let it burn down to coals.  Next, he would scrape the coals into a metal brazier, place a wood block on his head, and with pads to protect his hands, he would carefully lift the brazier and set it on the wood block.  Then he would go from house to house.  With metal tongs, he would place some of the hot coals between the bricks so the housewives could have fire for their families.  The familiar sight of the fire tender, making his rounds with coals heaped on his head, gave rise to a common turn of phrase-that if you give kindness or do good to an evil man, you will turn him into one who spreads the warmth of love wherever he goes.  You will “heap coals of fire on his head”.”

So, the proper understanding of this scripture lets us know that the extension of forgiveness, love, mercy, and grace towards our enemies will be the vehicle through which we take part in turning the enemies of God into his disciples who themselves spread God’s love, mercy, and grace to a dying world.  Forgiving others does not mean that what they have done to us does not hurt, was not wrong, or that our hurt does not matter.  Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice to be obedient to God and his word.  It is a choice to pardon others for their offenses against us in like manner to Christ’s pardoning of our sins on the cross.  Let us daily choose to forgive so that others may know and receive the love of Jesus! May we be willing to heap coals of fire on the heads of all that offend us in order that the gospel message may be fulfilled!